Duck, Dog, and Boy with Key: Kingdom Hearts
by Silver Neko
Summary: Kimahri tells the beloved tale of the 3 people who do things...with KEYS! Winnie the Pooh will EAT you!
1. Key Boy is DOOMED!

DUCK, DOG, AND BOY WITH KEY: A TALE OF KINGDOM HEARTS  
  
~The NEED to write this was too great. Pity me. I, da Silver Neko, who has rained countless fics with Kimahri, the Ronso Blue Mage/Dragoon from Final Fantasy 10, narrating the plots of Squaresoft games in his horrible grammar, have decided to write about one of zee greatest games ever made: Kingdom Hearts. Words cannot describe the warm feeling that this game gives me, how it takes me back to the days when me 'n me brother, Mr. Pink, would pop a Disney video(Like Aladdin) into our hapless VCR and watch dat movie again and again and AGAIN. The madness. Now YOU TOO can suffer at the hands of my......hands. Yes....read and become obsessed with the game as I have. Do eet! Anyway, SHINE GET! I mean, the story starts now. Yay!~Silver Neko, having a very happy un-birthday. Yay!  
  
"Kimahri am actually looking forward to babbling about this...thing. Kimahri is being sarcastic, if you no can tell. Kimahri can understand if Kimahri have fooled you with Kimahri's polite table manners. Anyway, ONCE UPON TIME! There am many, many worlds, each one not know about other ones. Thus, everything all hunky-dory. Yay. There am bright and shiny Disney worlds and poopy and angst filled Final Fantasy worlds like one Kimahri live in. Whee. Story REALLY begin when Key Boy(He no have Key now, so Kimahri just call him Boy) am having lucid dream where he questioning his own sanity while falling through ocean. Then trippy music start! Kimahri luv this song!   
  
Boy suddenly on beach. He see friend: Spooky Boy, out in water. Boy smile and then plan on tackling pal, but oh no! Horrible wave gunna splash Spooky boy! Spooky boy turn around and hold out hand to Boy as if to say, "Save me before I get wet, even though I am perfectly capable of calmly walking away from this impending wave." Boy run out to Spooky Boy but they both get consumed by wave. Teehee, consume. Underwater, Spooky boy am perfectly fine good calm, but Boy am struggling in powerful water pully. He then get sucked deep into sea. THEN, he float up to surface when it am sunset. He pop up and complain about moisture and sand in every part of body. But ooooh! It am other friend: That Girl who pops up in random places, or as Kimahri like to call her: "That Girl" (That Girl theme: Duh duh duh dun duh DUH!).  
  
That Girl wave and smile at Boy and Boy wave back. Awww. She run up to her and she laugh at him because he been swimming in his silly, silly shoes. Awww. She suddenly look up and gasp. This am where things become "Zoinks" as Shaggy put it. Boy look up too and see HIMSELF falling with meteor shower. He look concerned and then spooked as he fall backwards as water below turn into SKY and he fall INTO it. That Girl look down at him from above in concern. Boy fall fall fall and then get silhouetted against sun and then plunge into sea AGAIN. He then sink like drowned corpse he so am. He land on ground and many birdies fly up into air...or am it water? Boy then look down to see stained glass church window of Snow Lady and 7 other grown men whom she live with. DISNEY AM YOU GOD! WORSHIP!   
  
An-ee-way, words that appear in air say stuff that am noble. They say pick thingy up, so Boy obey and pick thing up. They say throw thingy away, Boy obey. They say kill shadow bugs who am trying to claw out heart and turn it into sugary treat. Boy do this and then have many scabs afterward. After that come Sleepy lady floor. Somewhere in-between floors, Boy am taken to island home where he talk to spooky versions of his friends who ask him what he scared of. He say that he scared of being forced to live with bipedal Dog who say, "Garwsh" in-between every sentence. He so scared. They then ask him what he want out of pathetic life. Boy say that he want to mooch off of parents for rest of lazy life. Friends finally ask what Boy think am most important to him. Boy triumphantly announce, "PUBERTY!"   
  
He then on Be my guest floor. He just pop back onto that plain of existence. Gasp! Boy's shadow have life of his own! He want to SMASH Boy into Boy goo. But Boy use DISNEY SWORD of bad reviews to swipe off hand of Shadow. This hurt Shadow's feelings. Sniff. Boy then get dragged into shadow goo. He look very upset. Yay! He then wake up from dream that previous events was and see THAT GIRL(Duh duh duh dun duh DUH!). She call him a Bum and then Spooky boy come and drop log on Boy's fragile organs. EET TIME TO RACE FOR GREAT JUSTICE! That Girl, Boy and Spooky boy am planning on building raft so that they go and see other "Worlds". Not other lands or countries, but worlds. Kimahri believes that this require rocket ship, not floaty boaty. Later, That Girl(Duh duh duh dun duh DUH!) order Boy to gather things to make Raft with. Boy comply. He look all over island(Which am really like playground for little kids. The kids really am live on an island that am near this island. That mean them DO have parents.) for stuff. While he do so, he run into other pals. Boy run into Boy with odd hair(Also know as Man with odd hair). Boy with odd hair say, "Hey, what's happening!" then as afterthought, adds, "Man." He no sound like Japanese Jamaican Canadian from New Jersey that he supposed to. He then challenge Boy to fight of fighting. They fight and Boy with odd hair hit Boy in stomach with ball. "My organs!" Boy exclaims. Boy then jabs Boy with odd hair in ribs REALLY hard with wooden sword. Boy wins! Boy with odd hair go, "You good!" and then adds, "eh?"  
  
As Boy continue journey for lumber, he run into....HYPER GIRL! She also known as Ninja turtle numb-chuck girl, but when she use jump rope, she HYPER GIRL! EXCLAMATION MARK! She talk about things and then start to bullwhip poor Boy with jump rope. NOT THE FACE! He then whack her with wooden sword and she cry and run away. Boy win but must live with bruises. He THEN run into.....WHY GAWD?! WHY?! IT BOY FROM 1000 YEARS AGO! Here he called.....Boy from now! Noooo! Boy then beat up horrible little spoiled Boy from now. Yay! Then Boy decide to beat up Spooky boy. Spooky boy laugh at stupid friend of his, until he get stabbed in belly and keel over in discomfort. Boy cheer with glee, but then Spooky boy kick him into water and onto Sea urchin. Ow with pain! After dat, Boy limp back to That girl(Duh duh duh dun duh DUH!) and deliver things. She say yay and pat him on head. Then everyone decide to head back home for sleepy fun. Awww. But on....ANOTHER WORLD, there am bad stuff brewing!  
  
On Disneyland world, Duck who am Black Mage cheerily walk down hallway to see King. He walk into throne room and say something incomprehensible, but Kimahri going to assume it something in terms of, "Every day be jolly good!" Teehee. But gasp for you! King Rodent no there! Doggy pop up with letter for Duck. Duck read letter, read it again, and then run down the halls screaming like a screaming thing that screams. Duck is funny. Duck run into garden where Dog am sleeping lazy life away. Duck scream at Dog, probably saying, "Awaken comrade! There is great peril!" But Dog just sleep and gurgle. Duck, filled with great rage at stupid Dog whom he stuck for life with, use magic to electrocute Dog awake. Yay! Duck yell to Dog about stuff. He say no tell nobody about it. Dog say, "Queen?" Duck say, "No tell Queen!" Dog say, "Duchess Ducky?" Duck scream, "No tell Ducky!" Suddenly there is clearing of throat. Duck whips around to see Queen Rodent and Duchess Ducky(His Girlfriend! Aww!) glaring at Ducks shock filled head. Silly Duck!  
  
Back on NORMAL WORLD, Boy, Spooky Boy and That Girl(Duh duh duh dun duh DUH!) am putting finishing touches on raft, like food. AS Boy look in secret cave for food, Mystery man pop up and say that everyone am stupid. Boy shake fist and the man disappear. Yay? Later, on other side of island, Spooky boy want to name boat after one thing, but Boy want to name it after 'nother thing! EET TIME TO RACE FOR GREAT JUSTICE! Whoop! Spooky Boy win. BACK ON DISNEYLAND WORLD! Duck, Dog, Ducky and Queen am going over letter. It say, in King Rodents disturbing way of talking, that every time a star goes out, a planet has exploded. Then there stuff about Keys and holes the keys go in. And Duck and Dog must go find Key MASTA! And also find man named LEON(We all yes know who that eez!). SO, Queen make Duck and Dog take annoying little bug with them named "Stupid Bug in Hat" He burrow into your head and make cozy living room! SO, Duck and Dog and Stupid bug talk about things and Duck say how that all Disney worlds am not supposed to know about each other or there be a Paradox. In simple talky: Stupid+World=Reality not caving in on itself. Yay!  
  
So Duck, Dog, Stupid Bug and Doggy get on ship of tasty Gummy and fly into outer space, which am Tie-dyed for reasons that escape Kimahri's brain. BACK ON DOOMED WORLD, Boy am at home in bed, when he see that there am storm over Island that raft. Gasp. So Boy row out to island and run into horrible little bug shadow things. Boy run into Spooky Boy and Spooky boy....say....stuff. They then get sucked into dark doom. BUT THEN! Bright light come and Boy find he holding large Key. BOY IS EVOLVING! BOY HAS EVOLVED INTO KEY BOY! KEY BOY LEARNED THE "KILL THINGS" ATTACK! Whee! With Key, Key Boy go into secret cave and find sad That girl. No, there no catchy tune dis time. She disappear in Key Boy's arms and then horrible wind blow(Hehehe, "Blow") Key Boy back outside. Gasp! Whole world has been reduced to small chunk of land! Gasp more! Embodiment of Key Boy's shadow am back! But Key Boy KEEL EET good. Then Key Boy and last of Key Boy's world get sucked into vortex of doom. THE END!  
  
........Well at least Kimahri WISH that the end. But Kimahri am wrong. So very wrong.  
  
~Whoo~ I got that chap done in less then an hour! I can do this! I can do eet! Yay. I have a whole week off from school so that means time to work on all of my stories! Read 'em all or I'll get Cancer! That's a BAD thing. I can't wait for Cubivore ta come out in November. I thought they'd never release it in America. SO I MUST WAIT! Now I will go and see if its time for food. Silly me! Its ALWAYS time for food!~Silver Neko, Embodiment of your tears! 


	2. Duck is filled with homicidal rage!

DUCK, DOG, AND BOY WITH KEY: A TALE OF KINGDOM HEARTS  
  
~Monkeys! I proclaim today "Monkey Day" because Monkeys ROCK! I just watched "Metropolis" It also ROCKED! And here is you new story chapter! Oh so good for you! Me so hungry!~Silver Neko, Munny rhymes with Hunny! Curse you, Whinny the Pooh!   
  
"Duck and Dog(In hip new clothing of zipper filled goodness!) arrive in Travel Town world. Yay. First thing Duck do is insult what little intelligence Dog have. Then they start search for Rain cloud gu-whoop! Kimahri mean "Leon" Yes. Kimahri no make mistake at ALL. Elsewhere, in alleyway, Doggy(Not Dog, Doggy. There am big difference. Doggy no have pants.) find a body. Gasp! It Key Boy. He no get grinded into dust after all. Damn. Key Boy waken to nasty kiss from Doggy. Key Boy's head is filled with shock! Doggy then run away, into oncoming traffic(Kimahri make that part up).   
  
Key Boy wander around town, confused by lack of bright colors and sun. He walk into store and find....CID MAN #7! Cid man scream at Key Boy to buy something or DIE. Key Boy whine and say he am looking for friends: Spooky Boy and That Girl(Duh duh duh dun duh DUH!). Cid man say to look in second district where there am certainly NOT horrible shadow beasts that eat hearts. Nope. not at all. Key boy thank disgruntled Cid man and merrily go along his Key boy way. Once Key Boy gone, Cid man break into evil laughter. He SO happy.   
  
Minute Key Boy step into second district, he see spooked man run and then fall in front of him. Then shadow monster pop out of man's chest like alien. You know, like in movie called...uh...Kimahri forget. Key Boy then KEEL all shadow things with KEY. He feel special. So while Key boy prance about second district, looking for pals and merrily slaying all who annoy him, Duck and Dog am wandering around stupidly. Imagine Duck's growing rage as Dog stuff him into chimney to see if "Leon" am there. Duck SO no happy.   
  
Soon, Key boy become tired with senseless killing(Kimahri knows Kimahri wouldn't!) and head back to Cid man's shop while Dog nearly drown Duck in fountain. Silly Dog. Key Boy tell Cid man that he am fail to find buddies. Cid man scream that he no care and then SMASH fist on counter. Key Boy then flee from angry middle aged Cid man. Outside he run into....Angry Rain Cloud Guy! Kimahri mean...LEON! OOOOH! You so amazed!  
  
"Leon" say, "Give me Key or shadow things will eat your guts" Key boy say, "No! Eeet mine! My precious!" "Leon" say, "Give to me or I will use me large GUN/SWORD of death and doom to make you not breathe no more." Key boy go, like, "Fine!" He then whack "Leon" in no-no place with Key. "Leon" then am very no happy. His shrill cry of pain echo through out town. It even reach ears of Dog and Duck who am enjoying cool refreshing Orange soda.   
  
Then with mighty swing of GUN/SWORD of death and doom, "Leon" formally know as Angry Rain Cloud Guy knock Key boy into state of not being awake. "Leon" then bend over in pain and wonder how much more horrible, poopy, sad soda can of life can get worse. Ninja Thief Girl then pop up. She go, "Yay! You got Key!" She then spot prone form of Key boy on ground. "You killed small child for Key?! That it. I'm not sleeping with you no more!" Angry Rain Cloud Guy then silently curse being born a sentient creature. He no like horrible teenage angst filled life.   
  
Elsewhere, in spooky alleyway, Duck and Dog am still searching for...stuff. Then Flower Girl pop up and poke Duck in back. Duck leap into air, fueled by EXTREME TERROR and land on Dog. Duck go, "NO! MY HEART!" Dog go, well...Dog just too stupid to feel pain. Pain like Duck crushing Dog's spine. Yep, it true. Flower Girl am secretly amused by Duck and his heart failure.  
  
LATER! In room in sleazy hotel, Key Boy AWAKEN to horrible hallucination of....THAT GIRL(Duh duh duh dun duh DUH!). Awww, it just Ninja Thief Girl trying to steal his wallet. An-ee-way, "Leon" explain to confuzzled Key Boy about Heartless shadow monsters, Key, holes Key go in, and how babies am made. Key Boy just plane confused about last part. IN OTHER ROOM! Flower girl am basically explain same thingy to Duck with high blood pressure and Dog with bad posture. SUDDENLY! Shadow explode into room! "Leon" whack it out window and leap out of window. Key boy follow.   
  
Duck and Dog AND Flower Girl also flee but Duck get smashed by door and into wall while Dog stares at Duck and tries to comprehend what just happen. Key Boy run into third district after "Leon" while Duck and Dog am up on balcony trying to not die. They get zoomed into air and then land on hapless Key Boy. Ow. BUT THEN!  
  
More bad shadow things come for BRAINS! Mmmmm! They then have to kill things as TEAM! Yay! Then LARGE bad thing come! Grrr! It so bad! And Large! TEAM WORK! Trio of annoying Boy with Key, Magical Duck with rod and stupid Dog with shield then kill bad thing....together. Awww. When thing dead, Dog and Duck introduce selves to Key Boy. They see that Key boy has large shiny Key. He must am be Key MASTA! SO da Duck asks Key Boy to come along with idiot friend Dog and help look for King Rodent. Key Boy wonder if he find his chums if he go? Duck lie and say yes. Naughty Duck.  
  
Back at fist district, Angry Rain Cloud Guy(Kimahri refuses to call him by stoopid name) and Flower Girl AND Ninja Thief Girl talk and stuff and give Trio of glee some "Munny" to buy Duck some medication. Duck give Key Boy power of magic doom and Dog teach Key boy how to avoid getting smashed into little bloody pieces. Yay! So First thing they do is spend Duck's medication Munny on Potions and weapons. THEN they get on "Gummy Ship" which am fueled by smiles(SMILE DURN YOU!) and head for Wonderland! Kimahri dance like a child who dances!  
  
~Sorry this one was so short! But my evil family has been distracting me with their damn family outings. So now I will cry and work on a LONGER chapter about Wonderland and the magical things IN it. Yay. Need caffeine. I woke up at 2:30 today. That's not good. Or is it?~Silver Neko, being silver and lazy for YOU! 


	3. Dog is confused!

DUCK, DOG, AND BOY WITH KEY: A TALE OF KINGDOM HEARTS  
  
~Yay! Your reviews of immense praise fill me with glee. Do you know what Kingdom Hearts REALLY is? It is a horrible ploy by Disney to make people who have played the game go out and rent/buy every animated Disney movie ever made. Poor Squaresoft did not realize this. I just watched Alice in Wonderland! WHHHYYY GAWD!? WHHYY-ok now I'm just being silly. I watched Aladdin, the new release of Beauty and the Beast and Alice in Wonderland OF MY OWN FREE WILL! Yes, you are all filled with shame for me. I even was watching de 'lil Mermaid! My brother popped in and saw me. He waz like, "YOUR watching the little MERMAID?" and I was like, "(F-word here) YOU!" That showed HIM! Anyway, after my horrible Disney binge, I'm gunna go back to my angst filled Anime world of gloom and doom, filled with large robots and scantly clad women who pilot them. Yaaay.~ Silver Neko, falling down the rabbit hole  
  
"So Key Boy, Duck and Dog, fly on ship of glee to far away world of insanity and rampant drug use. WONDERLAND! They fall down rabbit hole and land on booties. Look! It White Bunny! He having nervous breakdown! Bunnies am so cute. Bunny run run run until he no can be seen but Trio of love can still hear cheerful screams of horror. So group go after funny bunny and find sleepy Doorknob. Kimahri are so scared. Doorknob say to take happy drugs to be small like a thing that am small. And so they do. When trio of Duck, Dog and Boy with Key try to get through door again, It say to take side entrance. STOOPID DOOR!  
  
In courtyard, there am being trial. Queen of FAT accuse little Curious Girl of literally trying to steal her Heart organ. Key Boy stupidly meddle in reality of world(Enraging Duck's angry talky) and say that HE know who did the bad, but he need ev-ee-dence. That hurt Kimahri's mouth! SO Alice get locked up in cage and Key Boy, Duck and Dog go into spooky forest with confusing Kitty of smiley goodness. KAT EEZ NO HELPING! He just stand there and smile. Curse you Marijuana!   
  
So in forest of Pain, Trio of Drug free activities find FOOTPRINTS of Heartless shadow which they fill in with plaster to make mold. Then they find STENCH of Shadow things and put it in jar to keep stink fresh. THEN they find ANTENNA which they stick in Dog's empty head to keep safe. Finally they find CLAW MARKS on log and make frail Duck carry all the way back to Queen FAT.  
  
Queen decides to look at poopy ev-ee-dence but also pops in her own that accuses Duck and Dog of stealing her parachute like panties. Duck and Dog shudder at the thought. One of Key Boy's things is chosen and it am PROVEN that Curious Girl am in-o-cent. But Queen FAT's mighty NEED for death leads to cascade of Poker Cards from de sky. Duck then light cards on fire and they BURN. Key Boy grab cards and TORE them cards good. Dog just sit on large stack of angry cards. Thus, cards am vanquished. What? They JUST cards.  
  
When trio of MUNKEY go to get Curious Girl out of cage, she no there! What up with that? So back in room with Sleeeeepy Doorknob, KAT pop up and scream ARMAGEDDON! Then evil paper doll come and light itself on fire and there am FIGHT! But then eet die. KAT say that Curious Girl am been taken away by bad Heartless shadow dudes. What bothers Kimahri is that KAT no seem very upset by this. THEN! Sleepy Door thing yawn and Key hole am there, in mouth. Wait. Kimahri head hurt now because that make no sense. SO KEY BOY lock world up. Yay. Now world no get eaten like tasty Snickers bar.  
  
SO, Duck, Dog and Boy with Key leave world of Insanity and head for GREEK WORLD! In dis place, Key boy and two other things find angry goat man do'in STUFF. Goat man order 'em to move rock for GREAT JUSTICE. Hah! Key Boy am weak like little bunny VS Kimahri's foot. Goat thing whip around and see that Key Boy am not who he thunk he waz, which was Hero dude. Kimahri am not happy with last sentence. After many talky and Goat thing SCREAMING about fact that Key Boy 'n friends am NOT group of heros on unlikely adventure, Goat agree to let Key Boy WHACK things for some reason. And Whack Key Boy did.  
  
After Key Boy break 50 dollars worth of wooden things, he and Duck Monster and Dog Beast ask if they am yes fight for glee? Goat say NO. And then he laugh because he am SUCH an evil bastard. Sad, juice filled trio of OW MY BOOTY trudge outside sadly. Oh such sad they am marinating in. Gasp! It am god of dead! He give Key Boy free "Fighty Ticket" so that trio of KEELING STUFF can...keel stuff. They dance with happy dancing like small child at Zoo who see dead seagull being eaten by sea lion. Yay! So they show Goat person ticket and he yell about the damn internet and how it am ruining his business. It SO true!  
  
SO! Before turny start, God of dead am seen talking to...CLOUD GUY! He hire Cloud guy(Who now have wing for some horrible reason) to KEEL Hero Dude. But now he want him to make Key Boy and pals not living ether. Cloud guy just mutter something about how dead peoples am as annoying as live peoples. SO OUT IN RING! Key Booooyyy, Duuuuck and Doooog am fighting bad things. During short break from de fighting, Cloud guy walk by from snack bar with lemonade. Key Boy, Dog and Duck stare in aw at large spooky, antisocial Cloud person with large Band-Aid covered sword. Duck then promptly have heart attack and spasm of ground. "Gawrsh" announces Dog. Goat person points out that Key Boy looks like a brown haired version of Cloud Guy. Gasp with shock!   
  
After many many many more fighting with stuff, Trio of DOOMED INDIVIDUALS am finally to fight Cloud Guy. They then am filled with hurt. Kimahri will not describe fight because it just to sad. Cloud Guy is guy who am have fought Mako poisoning, fought monsters, lackeys, soldiers and large WEAPONS. He deal with traumatizing life things that would turn other peoples into psychos in mental prison. He climb barehanded up freezing cold mountain with no sleeved shirt on. He fight SPOOKY DUDE and SPOOKY DUDE's mommy many times. He been stabbed and left to die in gutter more times then he would like to admit. HIM'S LOVE OF LIFE DIE RIGHT IN FRONT OF FREAKING EYES! And now young KID who WEAPON am a KEY for love of god, and short tempered DUCK who am BARELY able to use magic stuff, AND non much smart DOG who HIT things with SHIELD repeatedly, come and want to make HIM no standing?   
  
So...like Kimahri say, it just a very sad fight. Cloud Guy knock them all down with one swing of sword. Breeze from sword knock them down, actually. So as he about to do killing blow, Key Boy look into Cloud Monster's eyes with much sorrow. Little boys am very good with sorrow. Cloud guy's heart then make pains in Cloud Guys GUTS. Cloud guy curse heart and then withdraw sword. Awww.   
  
Then big three headed doggy SMASH Cloud guy into ground.   
  
Yay? God of dead laugh at Cloud guy's mangled body of pain. As Three headed Doggy am about to gulp Trio of stupids, Hero dude come to save the day! He yell at everyone to run run run like a walnut from a moose. So everyone run away and trio heal selves. Then Dog say that they need to go help Hero dude. Duck's rage am at peak. Just as Duck am about to rid existence of meaty creature with no brain known as "Dog", Key Boy say that they yes do need to help.   
  
Duck weeps now. WEEP! WEEP! WEEP! WEEEEEEEEP! Ok, he done now. So three guys who am pitiful, run back to ring where Hero dude am fending off Doggy of DOOM while having not awake Cloud Guy slung over his meaty shoulder and grasping his ass. Somewhere in Cloud Guy's unconscious brains, Cloud guy realized that his booty was being fondled by someone AGAIN. Cloud Guy hates his sad soda can life.  
  
So Hero Dude runs off with Cloud guy to somewhere where they can be alone(Kimahri goes O_o) and leaves Key kid, magic bird and shield canine to horrible fates. Large three head dog was hard to kill, but they kill it because they am have righteousness on them side. For keeling bad thing, Goat man and very disappointed looking Hero dude give them Jr hero certificate. Teehee!   
  
Outside, trio of YAY run into VERY upset Cloud Guy. He rant on about nearly being violated by horrible meat person and that he going to have to bathe in bleach AGAIN. He then screech at kid to stop looking like a brown haired version of him! And why a key?! WHY A KEY?! THE MADNESS! Once Cloud guy am wore himself out, he mutter about how God of Dead promise to bring some one he LUV back to life. HMMM! WHO COULD THAT AM BEING?! KIMAHRI'S BRAIN RACES! Yesh. Yesh it do.  
  
So after very frightened group of buddies flee from angst filled Cloud person, they get on happy ship and sail to next world. Kimahri will now eat food."  
  
~Yay! Fun for all! Poor Cloud is always getting molested by someone. This secretly amuses me. Ahahah! HOHOOHO! Cupcakes! And that's about EET!~Silver Neko, why my squeezing arm?! 


	4. Monkey Guy is stinky!

DUCK, DOG, AND BOY WITH KEY: A TALE OF KINGDOM HEARTS  
  
~Before we begin, I must announce that my Lava lamp that my brother put in his room, and has apparently left on all day, has just EXPLODED. I loved that lamp. Sniff. I got it for Christmas. I heard a shattering sound followed by the cry of, "(F-word)!" and that's when heck broke loose. Luckily, non of the lamp's hot magma goo got on the N64, which it was above. Now me mom and mine Brother are cleaning up the horribly wet gooey mess along with thick glass shards of pain. It smells really bad. My brother is reading this now and is angered by my laughing at the hole burned into his carpet. Teehee!~Silver Neko, ha ha! your rooms filled with fumes!  
  
"Ok, Kimahri back. Back to tell story that make Kimahri cry because no like telling stories. On happy boat of "Smile or we will crash into a meteor and BURN" Duck am happily piloting ship to new world while Dog sleeps in pile of half eaten food and Key Boy runs around with hyperness because he am little boy and little boys am like Humming birds who have Kool-aid for blood. ZOOM! Duck is slowly going insane, just thought you yes would like to know. Ship come to new jungle world of green goodness. Duck no want to stop there because Duck knows that he will die if he breath clean air. Key boy want to go down there because him pals might be there. Duck refuses! Boy insists! Duck is being negative! Time to fight over controls! Uh oh! Dey no smiling! Ship....losing.....power! Whee!  
  
Ship go out of control and spiral downward to planet. Everyone screaming! Wait, breath...good. Resume da screaming. SCREAMING AGAIN! Ship go upside down and Key Boy fall down into jungle to his Key Boy doom. In-between screaming, Duck cackle with evil glee. Back to Key Boy....  
  
SMASH!  
  
Key Boy fall through ceiling and hit floor with sound of Lava lamp exploding! Whee! But instead of shattered spine, he stand up and walk about like healthy Chocobo who taunt Kimahri with its health. Kimahri will now do the dance of sad. AND THEN! Super kill you with dead kitty come and want to make with the death to Key Boy! But Monkey Guy come and save de day! Kitty goes flying in da opposite direction and out window! Yay for harming endangered species!  
  
Key Boy try to talk to Monkey Guy, but Monkey guy only talk 2 percent English and 98 percent stupid. It then that Key Boy have another hallucination of....THAT GIRL(Duh duh duh dun duh DUH!)! What bothers Kimahri now is that Key Boy seem perfectly at ease with insane delusions of him's female pal. So Monkey Guy and Key Boy leap from tree and have zany tree surfing adventure. WHY YOU NO DIE, CAPTAIN PLANET?! Forgive Kimahri and Kimahri's random outbursts.   
  
MEANWHILE! Duck and Dog am sitting next to charred remains of self regeneration Gummy ship. It be awhile before stupid ship heal self. Duck is silently muttering about how fresh air is making lungs lose protective layer of tar. No. Kimahri not implying that Duck smoke. Duck just have bad diet of bugs that come from polluted marshes and ponds. Nuclear infection! Now you know how Duck make with magic death! Dog am whining about how Dog's tum tum burn with hungry. Oh and that he STOOPIDLY concerned with what happen to Boy with Key. Duck scream something about the last straw and then reach for magic wand of FREEZING DOG'S BLOOD INSIDE HIS BODY SO HE DIE!  
  
Gasp! Monkey!  
  
Gasp! Man with large Gun!  
  
GASP! Back to Key Boy and da guy who eez like da munkey! They CON-VEEN-YANTLY land in camp of Monkey Guy's girlfriend! Inside tent, Trio am reunited! Dog do the happy dance! Key Boy do the leap of glee! Duck do the feet dragging of shear hate for comrades. Monkey Girlfriend explain to group dat she eez here to observe da Munkeys and teach Monkey Guy proper human talky. Man with Gun am there to protect her from evil forest animals, like HAMTARO AND HAM-HAMS! They feast on your savory guts! So first thing that then happen is the asking of Monkey Girlfriend to find movie slides to teach Monkey Guy to talk not stupid. AND SO THEY DOES!   
  
Slides am all very stupid, but one and very FO-MILL-YAR! It am castle! Blah! You no will get it 'till end of horrible brain smashy ADVENTURE! Man with gun say that Key boy's pals must be 'wit da gorillas that raised Monkey Guy. So da Monkey man decide to lead all to land of Monkey nests. But outside there am bad kitty thing again. He want to make with the kill. But he am once again flung in opposite direction! VICTORY DANCE!  
  
So things that make noise head deep into jungle and hop on hungry hungry hippos to climb up to spooky high swingy trees. Oh! It am Gorilla who no like Monkey man! He and Monkey man have heated debate on why HU-MONS am bad while talking in monkey talk. Key Boy, Dog and Duck stare and drool in confusion. Gorilla who no like Monkey man then leave. Monkey Man cries. 4 stupids then head up to tree house where Key THING first smash into. Monkey am there, playing happily with spinny thing. But oh no for you! Man with Gun want to make with the shoot your brain into little bloody pieces. Duck triumphantly spooks Gun man into aiming wrong with shock!  
  
Gun man SAY that him was just to kill snake by Monkey, but others am SUSPICIOUS! No trusty! But Poop! Once more am Kitty of no giving up come for the kill of people! Whack da cat! Zoom! Cat am blasting off again! Back at doom camp, Man with Gun am being yelled at for the shoot with the monkey. Man leave with spooky look on face. Oooo. Outside! Gorilla am being attacked by EVIL MONKEYS!  
  
Wack! Wacky! Wack! Wackywack!  
  
The Monkeys die with death! Then wonderful guys of magical poopy poop go out and save other Gorillas. Yay. Monkey Man's girlfriend give them cookie for being good helpers. Appreciation for cookie dance! Gasp! Team hears sound of gun being fired! Team go out to thicket to find Gun man's smokey pipe of smoking! Oh well! Him must being dead! Captain Planet is pleased!   
  
Mew! It am Kitty come for your luscious brains! There am fight! But at last Kitty am dead for good! Captain Planet weeps! MEANWHILE! Monkey run into camp and into arms of Monkey Man's girlfriend! Meep! Da evil Monkeys am after them! Time for looking helpless! Whee! When team return to camp, the girlie and Monkey am not visible! Evil fruit has them! Attack!  
  
Juicy explosion!  
  
And that how Evil fruit am made dead. Oh wait.....that not end of story? Poop. Chick of Monkey Guy say that Man with Gun am da kidnapping man! Time to kill his head! At place, it seem that Gun man have control over bad things! Battle! Glah...Kimahri hate describing da battles. There am smashing and Gun man shoot Kid with Key and Duck in heads, but Dog heal them. Explosion! Invisible thing! Gun man rides it! Gasp! It am large lizard thing with heart shaped chunk taken out of gut. Defeat! Gun man am crushed beneath lizard! Yay for smashed bones and ruptured organs!  
  
For saving monkeys from being made into pants, Gorilla who no like Monkey man toss Duck, Dog and Key Boy to nesting grounds. They land with much ow. Into cave! Up insanely hard to climb rocks! Yay! Key hole! It am locked now by da Kid. Duck is molested by Monkey! Then Monkey Man say stuff about hearts...and friends....and no heart means no friend....and....ONE PLUS ONE EQUALS ONE ON A BUN!  
  
Back at camp, Key Boy get key chain that make him's key look like bamboo! This is good? Captain Planet disagrees! It then that Dog have brain burp and say, "Gawrsh" Everyone stares. Duck gives upset scream and starts to rant. No one know what he say, but Dog guess that his pal say, "Comrades! Let us return to Traverse Town to stock up on supplies and perhaps purchase new weapons, then meet up with Leon!" Yes, that am what Dog am sure Duck say. Key Boy think that am good idea too. So Dog pick up Duck who pass out from lack of air with da screaming and dey get on happy ship and head for the place...with the town...and traveling. Yes. Oh, yeah. On way back, there am 'nother power struggle By Duck and Key Boy for controls of ship. It result in crashing into Hero greek world where da people fight in first turny to pass time while ship heal. They win. VICTORY DANCE! They leave to happy town. Kimahri must scream now."  
  
~Yay. I dance with da happy. When I finish this fic and the FF VII fic, I plan to write a Chrono Trigger fic, a FF VIII fic, MAYBE a FF IX fic and PERHAPS a Chrono Cross fic, all narrated by Kimahri Ronso, of course. That's a years worth of work! SHINE GET! Oh yeah, I finally won a Game Brain tape off of ebay! Now I can revel in the wonderful past of gaming AND have a better source of inspiration for that pesky FF 7 fic. Curse it. Curse its bones! YAY!~Silver Neko, why do my friend keep saying PANTIES?! 


	5. Spooky Boy is spooky!

DUCK, DOG, AND BOY WITH KEY: A TALE OF KINGDOM HEARTS  
  
~I want the Nightmare before Christmas DVD. I really do. Its one of my most favorite movies EVER. So anyway, I want new episodes of Invader Zim. I want them NOW. Those parasites that call themselves Nickelodeon refuse to show the remaining episodes because they hate creativity and stuff that's actually funny. Glah. I'm just not in a good mood and need to lash out at someone. DIE BUTTERFLY! Yeah, yer happy NOW, huh?! Gasp. I just killed a Butterfly in my blind rage. AH FEEL HAPPY MAMMA!~Silver Neko, yay for pollution!   
  
"So victorious 3 guys return to town of travel happiness. They find Ninja Thief Girl waiting by mail box for Ninja Thief girl's new "Massager" Naughty Naughty Ninja Thief Girl! She say that no good Angry Rain Cloud Guy, whom she not sleeping with no more, am training in underground stink hole. TO STINK HOLE! OW! The heart eating things come back for sugar clogged arteries! Yay!  
  
In Stink hole, super alive Flower Girl and super have no problem making you dead "Leon" am training for super doom. When Key Boy try to talk to Gun/Sword swinging "Leon", he am greeted with nearly being cut into deadness. Angry Rain cloud guy sad that he miss killing stupid boy with key. Angry Rain cloud guy yell at Key Boy to flee from Angry Rain cloud guy's eyesight or DIE. He then hurl rock in Dog's direction. Rock hits Dog square in the head with sickening CRACK.   
  
Silence.  
  
"Hey look fellas! Ah found a purdy rock!" Dog triumphantly announces as he holds rock up for all to see. Duck snaps his fingers in annoyance. Flower Girl, concerned that Angry Rain cloud guy may slaughter da unlikely heroes in a flurry of Angry Rain cloud guy rage, tell trio of yummy in ya tummy to go see Cid man for help with happy Gummy ship. Flee! Angry Rain cloud guy demands coffee!  
  
In Cid man #7's shop of no return, Cid man REFUSE TO DO STUFF for HORRIBLE Key Boy and equally HORRIBLE Duck and Dog because Cid man am FILLED with SPITE! It then, thanks to slow reaction time of Dog's nervous system, that Dog give out shrill screaming/inhaling noise of pain. Cid man, frightened and disturbed by weeping man like Dog thing, shove book into Key Boy's belly and say for them to take it to WIZARD MAN. Cid man will fix ship good while they do it. Flee! Now!   
  
And so Duck, Key Boy, and sniffing in unhappy Dog, head for place where it am shiny and there am happy doggy fountain. After burning down door and hoping across evil floating rocks, 3 doomed things head into poorly kept wizard house. Hey! It am empty with life! Uh oh! It THAT GIRL(Duh duh duh dun duh DUH!) hallucination time! Yay! Key Boy's comrades become somewhat concerned when Key Boy stare at wall silently and drool.  
  
BUT THEN! It Wizard man! Key Boy hand over Book and say stuff. Wizard take book and make warbling noise. FAIRY GODMOTHER! Yay! She look at Dog's purdy rock and make it into Summon Gem of Lion who's movie am really rip-off of Anime! Whee! Don't hurt Kimahri! While Dog and Duck am arguing over who get to use death Lion of death, Key Boy decide to take peek at book that Wizard have placed on desk.   
  
Peek!  
  
White light SUCK Key Boy into book. No one notice because they watching Duck scream at Dog about how sharing is for the DOOMED!   
  
Key Boy finds Key Boy's self in Forest of a thousand trees! Whoo. Oh! Look who am sitting on log! It am Poop Bear! He about to have Brain amorism! Poop Bear say that he am using his AMAZING brain to think of ways to say stuff. He also say that his pals am gone. Then, at unfathomable speed of CHAIR, Poop Bear waddle out of Meadow and to house. Key Boy already wants out of this horrible, family friendly place.  
  
AT DA POOP BEAR'S HOUSE! Poop bear needs Honey or he will go INSANE. While Poop Bear sits on floor of house, Key Boy proceeds to loot home of anything not bolted down. Yay! So then Key Boy leaves house and runs into OWL who can eat BABIES! Key Boy runs like a fat mouse from a Cobra with a party hat on! IT MAKE NO SENSE SO FEAR EET!  
  
Doom! That is what Kimahri calls Gods most evil creation: Honey Tree! Tiny bite sized Piggy does the dance and fear and uncertainty! Then dark shadow falls upon him! It am giant mass of terror that am Key Boy! Flee Piggy! FLEE! So Piggy flees, but then curses his stubby Piggy legs as Key Boy picks him up and laughs at Piggy's shrill screams of terror!  
  
Looky! It am Honey addict! He come for da honey in da tummy! So, by amazing new "Balloon" technology, Poop Bear am able to fly up to where num-nums am. But bees refuse to share! POP! It then that Key Boy have AMAZING idea! HE take KEY and WHACK da BEES! Piggy and Poop bear cheer at incredible brain meats of Key Boy!  
  
ONCE AGAIN! Poop bear am attached to Balloon and levitate up to da bees! Key Boy whacks at evil honey makers! Uh oh! Bees going after Key Boy now! Yay for not being allergic to bees, for Key Boy would of surly been dead by now! Poop Bear get Poop bear's honey and all am happy. Happy until Poop bear start to choke on something in honey. With hacking sound of yuck, Poop bear puke shiny rock at Key Boy with high speeds! Key Boy meets same fate at Dog, only Key Boy feels the pain NOW. Key Boy pass out with rock embedded in skull.   
  
Key Boy awaken to sound of Piggy's whining. Key Boy find that Piggy and Poop Bear have dragged Key Boy's prone form to MR. BUNNY'S house to feed upon more honey. Why have Poop bear no exploded with honey yet?! Poop Bear break door off hinges and waddle into screaming Mr. Bunny's house.  
  
"Feed me da huney or ah weel break you head and eats you tender brains. Mmmm, brains." Poop bear grunts. Mr. Bunny say he no have Honey! But Key Boy, being tall enough to pick up all 3 stuffed animals WHO LIVE and rip 'em apart, spot pot of honey in roots of house! Poop Bear feeds! Key Boy, disgusted with Poop Bear's glutinous ways, decides to leave and look for way out of horrible book of joy. But Piggy cries out in dismay! It seem Poop Bear am stuck in Mr. Rabbits hole!  
  
HAHAHA! YES! KIMAHRI WRITE THAT PURPOSELY! KIMAHRI AM DIRTY! YAY FOR KIMAHRI!  
  
BUT THEN! Look out! It am death from above AKA Bouncy Cat! Bouncing doom decide to smash all fruit in Mr. Rabbits garden because he no have respect for others property! YES! Key Boy must stop him! Bounce Kill monster hop on Key Boy's head and get foot impaled on spikey hair! VICTORY FOR KEY BOY! So Poop Bear am freed and all am happy, Yes? Glah. You WRONG!  
  
Much later, while Key Boy wandering about, looking for way out of death book, Key Boy find Poop Bear and Piggy on bridge. CHEESE! It am Angst Donkey! He so burdened with sad juice that he no try to save self from watery grave! KEY BOY AM HERO AGAIN! So then, Angst Donkey slowly gasp in shock, for Angst Donkey's tail am GONE. OH NO. Donkey weeps inwardly. BUT WAIT! BABY EATING OWL HAVE AMAZING PLAN!  
  
IF Poop Bear ride on swing of happy, then Poop Bear find Tail! IT SO SIMPLY AND STUPID! Time for treacherous trek up hill to swing! HONEY POT! BEAR MUST FEED!   
  
2 hours later...  
  
DONE! Onward to hill! POT! FEAST! Key Boy sighs with hate. FINALLY! Hill and Swing! Poop Bear ON swing! Time for push! POOP BEAR FLIES! Poop bear land somewhere far away, but no find tail. TO SWING AGAIN! Key Boy weeps!   
  
FINALLY! Bear land with crunch on Angst Donkey's house and finds tail! Donkey is silently pleased! Key Boy hot glue tail to Sorrow Donkey's ass and all is well. BACK AT POOP BEAR'S HOUSE! Bear am SO cold! Make fire for Bear or he WILL eat you. Key Boy are so scared. Fire is GOOD.  
  
SOMEWHERE ELSE! In forest of BOUNCY CAT OF DEATH, Bounce beast and Mini Rat am destroying environment with trampling of plants! To make COMPLICATED story short, 2 evil mammals make large STOOPID mammal jump around, then whack pot of NUTS! THEN, Owl who consumes young children force Key Freak to hunt nuts for Owl, or he WILL eat Key Boy version of you. Fear drives Key Boy to gather nuts! Yay!  
  
Much, much, much later, after Bounce thing bounce stuff, Key Boy find self in place full of mud. Looky! It am stupid yet aggressive Poop Bear! He am looking for friends! Key Boy help? Of course he do! Friends am found! ALL AM WELL!   
  
LATER, WHEN IT AM NIGHT! Poop Bear, Piggy, Mr. Bunny, Baby eating Owl, Bouncy Cat, Mini Rat and Key Boy am enjoying stars! IT TIME TO TALK ABOUT VALUE OF FRIENDSHIP! Whee. KEY BOY NO CAN TAKE EET NO MORE! He FLEE FLEE FLEE from insane stuffed animals and then suddenly am consumed by happy light! HE AM GONE FROM BOOK! YAY! Then, for reason Kimahri no get, world that am Book am locked by Key Boy and all am happy.  
  
BACK IN WORLD THAT AM NOT BOOK!  
  
Duck am about to ELECTROCUTE Dog so that Duck may possess Summon Gem of lion, when Key Boy spill out of book and scream with happy! FUN FACT! YOU KNOW THAT KEY BOY STILL HAVE ROCK FROM HONEY IN SKULL? YES HE DO! Fairy Grandma say that it am ALSO Summon Gem for happy Deer who momma got SHOT! Whee! Duck says that DOG should have stupid Deer, and so Dog does. In future, Deer save life of Dog many time while Lion chomp head of Duck because Duck am nummy. DUCK WEEPS!  
  
So Team leaves magic house only to run into.......  
  
SPOOKY BOY!  
  
Key Boy gasps with SHOCK! As does Kimahri! Time for heart pills!"   
  
~Yay! Now for a VERY serious issue! I like Yoai. I like eet GOOD. And I'm a girl, just for those of you who are still unsure. I WANT and have wanted to write a yoai fic for the longest time. Perhaps one on Invader Zim or a Kuja/Zidane fic. BUT! one of my greatest fears(besides the fact that my parents or brother might stumble upon my evil writing of wonderful filth) is dat I'll get them out of character, more then the fact that that those peoples hate each others guts. I mean, Kimahri says is based on a Kimahri who is disgruntled and sarcastic(Note, I cringe at the thought of trying to write a lemon involving Kimahri. It's hard to think of a way to do eet) When the real Kimahri rarely talks at all and has little or none personality. Blah. So, with telling you, the either glee filled or now disgusted people, what weighs upon my mind, I decide to go see the movie "Jackass" and let my woes dissolve into evil laughter. Teehee!~Silver Neko, stop looking at meeee! 


End file.
